Why Do You Have Me Here

I flashback often to a recurring scene from my first few years in this neighborhood.  Just like a movie scene, I watch myself.  I’m sitting at my dining room table with my Bible and journal spread before me.  I’m looking out the window.  I watch cars, joggers, walkers and bikers go by.  I look at the houses I can see from my house.  And I weep.  I feel frustrated and confused.

Very soon after I fell in love with Christ in college, I had an overwhelming desire to tell others about Him.  I wanted to ask people things like:  “Can you believe this is really true?”  “Can you believe Jesus really gave his life for us?”  “Can you believe he’s made me new…changed me from the inside?” 

As a woman with this deep desire to share the love of Christ with others, being the mother of tiny babies felt confining.  I loved being home with my children, but I loathed how difficult it was to connect with others and find friends nearby.  

Looking out that window, I prayed things like this often, “God, you’ve planted me here.  There must be women around me who feel like they are in the dark because they don’t know you yet.  Why is it so hard to meet people?  How do I meet people?”  Those same prayers escaped my lips for years.  

Then my first child went to elementary school.  A whole new world opened up around me.  I met other moms with the same concerns and fears I had.  Moms who were lonely and wanting community.  And I was all in.  After a few years of investing in these friends and being transparent about my love for God, I figured it was time to start an evangelistic book club or Bible study.  So I went for it….a couple times…..and nothing happened.  These women I loved had no interest in looking more closely at Christ.  And so the prayers continued, “God what are you doing?  Why do you have me here?”  

Hindsight is always 20/20, isn’t it?  Now I can look back at those 10 years and see that God was forging things in me.  Perseverance.  The ability to form real, lasting relationships with people who believed differently than me.  A reliance on prayer and what God could do, rather than what I was capable of doing.  God has done some amazing things in and around me in these last few years.  I’ve got a front row seat to watch where He’s at work and join Him.  I’ve had the joy of leading several neighborhood Bible Studies and seeing friends put their faith in Christ and begin to follow him, but it was a journey.  And I’m grateful, even for the confusion and frustration I felt for all those years as I wept at my dining table, because God was at work IN me because He wanted to work THROUGH me.

When I joined the NBS2GO team 3 years ago, I realized there were resources available for people like me who wanted to be used by God to share the Good News with neighbors but felt stuck.  

These PrayConnect and Lead resources can be a guide on your journey to being used by God right where you live!